Christmas Letter 2017

Merry Christmas! What a year this has been. I look back and cannot believe that this has become my life sometimes. Get some coffee or tea and sit back and read. (If you think I talk a lot, then oh, be ready to read and get to know me!)

My job has stayed pretty much the same. I am still teaching all subjects for first grade. Over the summer, I moved classrooms. I had to pack up 3 years of stuff and comfort zone, but it was worth it. My room is now a bit bigger and on the bottom floor, which has been nice. Actually, my teaching team changed over the summer too. I became the team lead (mostly just in name) and the former team lead left to another grade level. This school year has been quite an adjust for me. I have had to grow and learn so much! I look at who I was in August and I'm not the same person. I've had to turn into a leader, learn to keep quiet and hold my tongue (which is hard if you know me!), and learn to delegate. Change is never easy, so it has come with many tears and meltdowns, but I think I'm finally starting to feel better about it all. I'm not one that likes to lead, but you do what must be done for the kids.

I love working with the kids this year, as I do every year. I get so attached to my babies. I've been at Bramlette long enough now that I'm getting siblings of former students, which has been nice. I've also watched my first class here grow and love seeing them in the halls. They are only 4th graders, so I still have another year to see them. But man! They grow so fast!

I have done a bit of traveling this year. I can't believe how much I have done actually! Over spring break, I went to go visit Aunt Jeanne and Uncle Jim, who are like my second parents. I always have a blast going to visit them and catch up, even with their kids who I used to babysit. We get to visit, catch up, and do some tourist-y type stuff while I'm there. I love visiting the wineries. She actually was the one who got me to at least try wines. They live in such a pretty part of Georgia and visiting with her always brings me such joy.

Although Mom visiting isn't travel for me, it's still an adventure. She got to spend a week with me in July, which was awesome. She got to meet some of the people that I work with and have been my support, which she loves to do. She enjoys knowing those who take care of me when she can't. We got to move around my classroom and some others in the "big move" we had on campus over the summer. We did a bunch of shopping and got to have our first experience at Buc-ee's. We had fun getting to move stuff around Bramlette, walk the trails by apartment, and catch up on life. The best part was that we both got to go to our first "Balloon Glow". I had never been and it was so cool! We got to walk around and see some cool military air vehicles. Then, we got to watch them "glow" up the balloons. We sat right near a balloon and got to talk with the guy that was stabilizing the balloon, which was funny as the balloon pulled him around. I introduced her to some East Texas favorites, along with Shivers! Such good memories!

Then, there is the "Cuzunion", as we all fondly call it. My cousins and I decided to rent a cabin in TN for a couple of days. It was the best thing that I did all summer and it was right before this school year started. It was just what I needed. We got to let loose and be ourselves amongst each other without "adults" around... although I do realize we are the adults now. I got to know my siblings, cousins, and their significant others a lot better. It was such a beautiful and relaxing experience. I even got to try my first Escape Room experience, which was the best group of people to do my first one with.

Normally, for Thanksgiving, I stay in Texas and hang out with friends. I had a unique opportunity this year. Kaitlyn was performing in a national pageant right here in Texas! I only had to drive about 4 hours to see her, Aunt Kathy, and Uncle Jim in Houston. They got to experience "fall" in Texas. It was great getting to see them. We got to stay at a hotel that was connected to the mall on Thanksgiving weekend, which means that I went for the first (and probably last!) time shopping on Thanksgiving and Black Friday. It was kind of cool. I got to see Kaitlyn compete in some of her optional events as well. It was nice to get away and spend some time with family close to home.

This year, I've gotten to know myself a lot better and have gotten some more friends. I know that when I moved here 9 years ago, that you could not have convinced me that I would be this connected or with the people that I'm connected with. My ties here have changed many times over the years. God definitely gives us people for the seasons we are in. The group of people that I have become connected to at work or through work over the last three years, and some only just this year, have truly been a lifeline and turned into my family. I'm sure they have no idea. If you know me, you know that people and relationships are a big deal to me. I have to say that I am so blessed to work with those that I do and to have the relationships with them that I do. Without those coworkers and friends, I would be lost and probably would have ended up moving back up north or east. 
As for getting to know myself, I have been able to come to terms more with myself, what I've been through, and my daily struggles. I have resolved to finally start dealing with everything that plagues my mind. Those who don't know, I've struggled with depression and suicide since about 7th or 8th grade. I used to hide it because I felt it was so taboo. Then, as I got older, I couldn't control what it was doing to me. If you know me, I'm not one who likes to ask for help and am so strong-willed that I swore I could fix myself. After this summer with my cousins, I realized that I don't have to hide who I am... just be sure whom can handle the truth and whom I need to filter things for. My struggles have made me into the person that I am today. The struggle I have daily causes me to love harder and appreciate those around me so much more. I have finally decided that I cannot tackle it on my own and have decided to really deal with it for real with some talking and therapy, not just medication. I don't say all this to scare anyone, to get sympathy, or to get pity. I say it because if I thought it was taboo and manageable, then someone else could think the same. It's not true. Depression, chronic bouts of it, is not manageable by yourself, neither are thoughts of suicide, but it's also not something that should be taboo. Becoming more honest and open about it with those closest to me and with myself has been so enlightening. I've gotten to see others who have struggled the same and swap stories and ways to cope. Truth can hurt and be scary, but also so freeing!

This year has been a whirlwind of emotions, trips, friends, and changes, but what a beautiful journey it has been. I am so grateful for the journey that He brought me on. The people that He placed in my life, especially this past year, have been so much more of a blessing than I could have possibly imagined. Some people you could have never convinced I would have been friends with due to their positions or titles, but friendship, love, and God's purpose surpasses so much!
I pray that you have an amazing new year and that God will place people in your life in 2018 that will help you feel as loved and cared for as I do. Life is not perfect and there are some hard tests and trials that we all go through, but those that stand with us help to make it all just a little easier and hold us up when we want to give up. I will wish you a blessed and safe new year with the support and love of God and those He has placed around you. If you are reading this, know that I will always be one of those people if you need me!